Where's McCarver?

Hey

noreply@blogger.com (Mitch Krpata) — Fri, 12 May 2006 03:36:00 +0000

Remember this blog?

Baseball season approaches

noreply@blogger.com (Mitch Krpata) — Mon, 06 Feb 2006 16:06:00 +0000

I like trouble. Why not? A lot of people have their way to say stuff. I got my way. You know, all those little things about the game. People don't face it. Attack. Attack. I never take the first punch, never. Believe me, you throw me rocks, I'm gonna F-16 and just try to kill you. That's my style.

Primary process thinkers

noreply@blogger.com (Mitch Krpata) — Thu, 19 Jan 2006 22:48:00 +0000

On PTI just now, Wilbon and Kornheiser were leading Jerome Bettis through the most boring interview I've ever seen. First question was, "How did you feel when you fumbled?" Then, "As the Colts were driving up the field, what were you thinking?" And so on. Bettis certainly held up his end of the exchange, which culminated in this revealing bit of sports psychology:

Kornheiser: When Vanderjagt missed, what were your personal thoughts?

Bettis: I was like, "He missed it!"

Someone sign this man to a book deal.

Much too open secrets

noreply@blogger.com (Mitch Krpata) — Wed, 11 Jan 2006 16:31:00 +0000

Premiership upstart Wigan toppled perennial superpower Arsenal in the semi-finals of England's Carling Cup competition, thanks to some motivational words from their coach Paul Jewell. In the annals of sports exhortations, this isn't quite up there with "Win one for the Gipper." But it's the aside Jewell tosses in while recounting his words that I find strange:

"I said to them at half time 'look, you might never get another chance to play in another semi-final. Do it for your wives, your girlfriends'...and some of them have got both."

Thanks a lot, coach. Now the Wigan players will never be allowed out of the house again.

Adventures in Censorship

noreply@blogger.com (Mitch Krpata) — Thu, 05 Jan 2006 19:54:00 +0000

There's a lot to love about Corey Dillon's locker-room tirade, as reported by Boston.com Patriots blogger Mike Reiss. Dillon says, without irony, "I keep it real," and also refers to himself as "28." But my favorite part about the passage is Reiss' careful censorship. See if you can spot it:

I don’t give a [care]. I don’t care. All I care about is what my teammates think and how we go out there and play football. Much more, I don’t give a [care]. You can tell Bill [Belichick], I don’t give a [care]. This is what it is. Take it or leave it. I don’t care. Writing about the running game, who gives a [care]? We’re in the playoffs. We’re playing for something. If you guys don’t feel me on that, I don’t know what to tell you. If you don’t like it, if you don’t like me, I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. You guys aren’t going to do nothing for my life after football, so why should I give a [care]?

First of all, I haven't heard the phrase "I don't give a care" since about third grade. Second of all, wouldn't "crap," "damn," or even "darn," have been more palatable, and more logical alternatives? Third of all, will this rant come back to haunt Corey Dillon if he winds up taking a big [care] against the Jags on Saturday?

Not paying attention

noreply@blogger.com (Reggie Donovan) — Fri, 30 Dec 2005 14:59:00 +0000

I can't believe I've let this blog go to the point where we haven't dealt with this whole Clinton Portis thing. Just go here. Do it. Even this isn't doing the whole thing justice, though.

A true LOLocaust

noreply@blogger.com (Mitch Krpata) — Tue, 27 Dec 2005 17:59:00 +0000

This isn't a tortured analogy, but it is just about the worst thing Eric Wilbur has penned yet. And that's saying something.

Now, let’s be frank, I would have liked to have seen Damon in a Red Sox uniform for 2006-07. Beyond that, I’d just assume see one of Lucas’ guys out there in center field. C3-PO’s admittedly terrible throwing arm would be comparable at that stage don’t ya think? Although, he does seem dense enough to miss the cutoff man all too frequently, and plus, he’d conjure up way too many Kevin Millar memories with his inability to shut up.

We, uh, are talking about baseball here, right?

Where's McCarver will never die...

noreply@blogger.com (Mitch Krpata) — Wed, 21 Dec 2005 16:39:00 +0000

...at least not as long as Chad Johnson is still a starting wide receiver somewhere in the NFL. This season, Chad has become notorious for his touchdown celebrations, which have included jigs, pantomimes, and several props. But we ain't seen nothin' yet. For his next trick:

"On the highway, I hit a deer," Johnson said Tuesday, insisting he was serious and that the animal wasn't hurt. "I kept him. He's at home in the garage. I'm going to use him for the celebration this weekend. He's a prop. They might suspend me for the last game, but I think this one is worth it."

And just in case it's not totally clear:

"This is going to be the greatest celebration of all time, man. I actually use an animal."

Butch Stearns!

noreply@blogger.com (Mitch Krpata) — Tue, 06 Dec 2005 03:57:00 +0000

Apologies that this isn't word-for-word, but I just heard this at the end of Fox 25's news broadcast from sports anchor Butch Stearns:

We'd like to mention 15-year-old Patrick White. Like many of you, he lived and died for the Red Sox. Patrick lost his battle with cancer last week...

Couldn't they have found a less ironic way to express his love for the team?

The perils of premature celebration

noreply@blogger.com (Mitch Krpata) — Mon, 28 Nov 2005 19:25:00 +0000

You could end up looking like Jeremy Shockey:

I thought it meant he was retiring

noreply@blogger.com (Mitch Krpata) — Mon, 14 Nov 2005 19:17:00 +0000

But no: Oil can Boyd Surrenders

Tortured Analogy Watch, 11/04

noreply@blogger.com (Mitch Krpata) — Fri, 04 Nov 2005 19:18:00 +0000

And it's once again from Eric Wilbur:

Meanwhile, the Colts enter with that same old offensive attack Bill Belichick has repeatedly been able to make look as threatening as a ravenous lion through a backward telescope.

What?

What?

I did not expect this

noreply@blogger.com (Mitch Krpata) — Tue, 01 Nov 2005 20:06:00 +0000

Time magazine has an illuminating profile of New York Yankees outfielder Hideki Matsui. Specifically:

Throughout it all, Matsui remained almost unnervingly low-key. He wears no earrings, no rock-star sunglasses, no outlandish hip-hop togs of the type favored by contemporaries like Ichiro. Flash just isn't Matsui's style, even if the conservative Giants hadn't frowned on such outré displays. Instructed to stay in the team dormitory and refrain from dating during the first several years of his career, so as to devote all his concentration solely to baseball, Matsui agreeably complied, without so much as a whimper. Indeed, his only eccentricity, if it can be called that, is his extensive private library of adult videos. His refreshing ability to laugh self-deprecatingly about his porno collection, reporters say, is one reason why fans and even nonfans have taken to him so much. Says former reporter Isao Hirooka: "Hideki just wants to be like ordinary people."

Madden being Madden

noreply@blogger.com (Mitch Krpata) — Tue, 01 Nov 2005 03:03:00 +0000

John Madden really needs to rethink his nomenclature for the various gaps a running back has to choose from. He should never, ever be saying -- as he just did -- "he bounces it out to the A-hole."

Lee Corso is a penis

noreply@blogger.com (Mitch Krpata) — Mon, 31 Oct 2005 23:52:00 +0000

ESPN Sunday Night Football

noreply@blogger.com (Mitch Krpata) — Mon, 31 Oct 2005 13:21:00 +0000

Joe Theismann on the Asante Samuel interception: "What a great piece of hands!"

The rallying point at last

noreply@blogger.com (Reggie Donovan) — Tue, 25 Oct 2005 21:00:00 +0000

Just the thing for the Astros to seize upon as they look to come back from an 0-2 hole in the World Series: two local rappers have recorded songs. I'll allow that people who profess to know more about this sort of thing than I do will both readily tell you that both rappers are good at what they do, but scanning the lyrics, I'm a little skeptical. Particularly this one, from Paul Wall's "They Don't Know":

"George Bush is at every game to see them Astros do their thing. This year we at the World Series. Congratulations to Drayton McLane."

Again, I'm not saying this automatically makes Wall a bad rapper. All I'm saying is that I can't think of too many other rap songs that namecheck George H.W. Bush in a positive light. Except for that one song Kool Keith did about supply-side economics...

Here's McCarver.

noreply@blogger.com (Reggie Donovan) — Sat, 22 Oct 2005 20:50:00 +0000

USA Today has an interview with none other than Tim McCarver.

Question: Where's the line between analysis and overanalysis?

Answer: You don't have to say something every time there's a replay. I was guilty, in the early part of my career, of overanalyzing. I know that's not true anymore.

If I'm able to watch the World Series game tonight with any access to sound, I'm going to do my best to note exactly how many replays McCarver feels he "[doesn't] have to say something."

Classic WMC?

noreply@blogger.com (Reggie Donovan) — Sat, 22 Oct 2005 19:15:00 +0000

"The Red Sox and our fans were fortunate to see Roger Clemens play in his prime and we had hoped to keep him in Boston during the twilight of his career." - Former Red Sox GM Dan Duquette on Roger Clemens. Duquette said that almost 9 years ago. Tonight, that same Roger Clemens will be starting Game One of the World Series. Duquette has not worked in baseball since the 2001 season.

YES!

noreply@blogger.com (Reggie Donovan) — Sat, 22 Oct 2005 14:06:00 +0000

You knew Ozzie wouldn't be able to keep quiet for long. ESPN.com's Jim Caple has jumped on the Ozzie quote collecting bandwagon, and it sounds like our good friend Joe Morgan has been in his ear:

"Babe Ruth didn't have a computer. Roberto Clemente didn't have a computer."

Headliners and Legends: Ozzie Guillen

noreply@blogger.com (Mitch Krpata) — Fri, 21 Oct 2005 19:10:00 +0000

The Washington Post has helpfully recapped some of the better Ozzie Guillen quotes from the past season. You can read them all here. Below are some of my favorites.

"I'm smarter than a lot of guys who go to Harvard. When you come to this country and you can't speak any English at 16 years old, and you have to survive, you have to have something smart in your body. If you take one of those Harvard guys and drop them in the middle of Caracas, they won't survive. But if you drop me in the middle of Harvard, I'll survive."

"I don't use computers. Yeah, I have e-mail. But what's so hard about e-mail? It's just 'delete, delete, delete.' "

"The Cubs didn't need Sammy Sosa to sell tickets. Sammy didn't sell any tickets in Baltimore. . . . I don't believe one guy can bring people in. Michael Jackson would. People would come to see what he looks like in a uniform. I know I'd like to see that."

Who said it?

noreply@blogger.com (Reggie Donovan) — Thu, 20 Oct 2005 19:17:00 +0000

Here's one prominent NBA player on the new dress code:

"I think it's a load of crap. I understand what they're trying to do with the hats and do-rags and jerseys and stuff. That's fine. But I don't understand why they would take it to this level. I think it's basically retarded."

So who said it? Allen Iverson? Ron Artest? Kobe Bryant? Rasheed Wallace? Carmelo Anthony? Paul Pierce?

All wrong. Would you believe it was the heretofore squeaky-clean Tim Duncan?

I just play it in Roulette

noreply@blogger.com (Mitch Krpata) — Thu, 20 Oct 2005 18:37:00 +0000

OKLAHOMA CITY --A man got a prison term longer than prosecutors and defense attorneys had agreed to -- all because of Larry Bird.

The lawyers reached a plea agreement Tuesday for a 30-year term for a man accused of shooting with an intent to kill and robbery. But Eric James Torpy wanted his prison term to match Bird's jersey number 33.

Full article here.

NBA dress code: the players react

noreply@blogger.com (Mitch Krpata) — Wed, 19 Oct 2005 18:51:00 +0000

Clearly thinking first and foremost of Where's McCarver, the official NBA website has provided a list of articles detailing players' reactions to the new dress code. The first line of the official dress code says the general policy is business casual, a style of dress you're probably familiar with if you have a job.

Here are some of the better player responses.

Jermaine O'Neal: "My plan this year was to dress up anyway. I have 40 to 50 suits already. I should be one of the best-dressed guys this year."

Stephen Jackson: "I have no problem dressing up . . . because I know I'm a nice-looking guy."

Grant Hill: "I like to dress up."

LeBron James: "Sometimes you feel lazy and you don't feel like putting some clothes on, but this is a job."

T.J. Ford: "This was a rule they came up with, and we've got to follow the rules or they're going to take our money."

Jalen Rose: "But at the end of the day, whatever I wear to the game, whether I have on jewelry, a sports coat or not, when I dribble up the court, I'm still going to hear Notorious B, I'm still going to hear Tupac."

Oh, and by the way, commissioner David Stern's ice-cold response to Marcus Camby's complaint was, "We don’t know where the cut-off is. Maybe if you earn less than $8 million, you’ll get a scholarship from the commissioner."

And the award for best "Trading Up" of the year

noreply@blogger.com (Reggie Donovan) — Tue, 18 Oct 2005 18:42:00 +0000

You've got to be happy for any NBA player who goes from Portland to San Antonio. Hey, Derek Anderson, how does it feel to play for the defending champions?

"I'm just glad to be out of Portland. Every day the police were involved."