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Baseball season approaches

And with it, the Ozz-man cometh:

I like trouble. Why not? A lot of people have their way to say stuff. I got my way. You know, all those little things about the game. People don't face it. Attack. Attack. I never take the first punch, never. Believe me, you throw me rocks, I'm gonna F-16 and just try to kill you. That's my style.

Primary process thinkers

On PTI just now, Wilbon and Kornheiser were leading Jerome Bettis through the most boring interview I've ever seen. First question was, "How did you feel when you fumbled?" Then, "As the Colts were driving up the field, what were you thinking?" And so on. Bettis certainly held up his end of the exchange, which culminated in this revealing bit of sports psychology:

Kornheiser: When Vanderjagt missed, what were your personal thoughts?

Bettis: I was like, "He missed it!"

Someone sign this man to a book deal.

Much too open secrets

Premiership upstart Wigan toppled perennial superpower Arsenal in the semi-finals of England's Carling Cup competition, thanks to some motivational words from their coach Paul Jewell. In the annals of sports exhortations, this isn't quite up there with "Win one for the Gipper." But it's the aside Jewell tosses in while recounting his words that I find strange:

"I said to them at half time 'look, you might never get another chance to play in another semi-final. Do it for your wives, your girlfriends'...and some of them have got both."

Thanks a lot, coach. Now the Wigan players will never be allowed out of the house again.

Adventures in Censorship

There's a lot to love about Corey Dillon's locker-room tirade, as reported by Boston.com Patriots blogger Mike Reiss. Dillon says, without irony, "I keep it real," and also refers to himself as "28." But my favorite part about the passage is Reiss' careful censorship. See if you can spot it:

I don’t give a [care]. I don’t care. All I care about is what my teammates think and how we go out there and play football. Much more, I don’t give a [care]. You can tell Bill [Belichick], I don’t give a [care]. This is what it is. Take it or leave it. I don’t care. Writing about the running game, who gives a [care]? We’re in the playoffs. We’re playing for something. If you guys don’t feel me on that, I don’t know what to tell you. If you don’t like it, if you don’t like me, I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. You guys aren’t going to do nothing for my life after football, so why should I give a [care]?

First of all, I haven't heard the phrase "I don't give a care" since about third grade. Second of all, wouldn't "crap," "damn," or even "darn," have been more palatable, and more logical alternatives? Third of all, will this rant come back to haunt Corey Dillon if he winds up taking a big [care] against the Jags on Saturday?

Not paying attention

I can't believe I've let this blog go to the point where we haven't dealt with this whole Clinton Portis thing. Just go here. Do it. Even this isn't doing the whole thing justice, though.

A true LOLocaust

This isn't a tortured analogy, but it is just about the worst thing Eric Wilbur has penned yet. And that's saying something.

Now, let’s be frank, I would have liked to have seen Damon in a Red Sox uniform for 2006-07. Beyond that, I’d just assume see one of Lucas’ guys out there in center field. C3-PO’s admittedly terrible throwing arm would be comparable at that stage don’t ya think? Although, he does seem dense enough to miss the cutoff man all too frequently, and plus, he’d conjure up way too many Kevin Millar memories with his inability to shut up.

We, uh, are talking about baseball here, right?