The perils of premature celebration

You could end up looking like Jeremy Shockey:

I thought it meant he was retiring

But no: Oil can Boyd Surrenders

Tortured Analogy Watch, 11/04

And it's once again from Eric Wilbur:

Meanwhile, the Colts enter with that same old offensive attack Bill Belichick has repeatedly been able to make look as threatening as a ravenous lion through a backward telescope.

What?

What?

I did not expect this

Time magazine has an illuminating profile of New York Yankees outfielder Hideki Matsui. Specifically:

Throughout it all, Matsui remained almost unnervingly low-key. He wears no earrings, no rock-star sunglasses, no outlandish hip-hop togs of the type favored by contemporaries like Ichiro. Flash just isn't Matsui's style, even if the conservative Giants hadn't frowned on such outré displays. Instructed to stay in the team dormitory and refrain from dating during the first several years of his career, so as to devote all his concentration solely to baseball, Matsui agreeably complied, without so much as a whimper. Indeed, his only eccentricity, if it can be called that, is his extensive private library of adult videos. His refreshing ability to laugh self-deprecatingly about his porno collection, reporters say, is one reason why fans and even nonfans have taken to him so much. Says former reporter Isao Hirooka: "Hideki just wants to be like ordinary people."