Not paying attention

I can't believe I've let this blog go to the point where we haven't dealt with this whole Clinton Portis thing. Just go here. Do it. Even this isn't doing the whole thing justice, though.

A true LOLocaust

This isn't a tortured analogy, but it is just about the worst thing Eric Wilbur has penned yet. And that's saying something.

Now, let’s be frank, I would have liked to have seen Damon in a Red Sox uniform for 2006-07. Beyond that, I’d just assume see one of Lucas’ guys out there in center field. C3-PO’s admittedly terrible throwing arm would be comparable at that stage don’t ya think? Although, he does seem dense enough to miss the cutoff man all too frequently, and plus, he’d conjure up way too many Kevin Millar memories with his inability to shut up.

We, uh, are talking about baseball here, right?

Where's McCarver will never die...

...at least not as long as Chad Johnson is still a starting wide receiver somewhere in the NFL. This season, Chad has become notorious for his touchdown celebrations, which have included jigs, pantomimes, and several props. But we ain't seen nothin' yet. For his next trick:

"On the highway, I hit a deer," Johnson said Tuesday, insisting he was serious and that the animal wasn't hurt. "I kept him. He's at home in the garage. I'm going to use him for the celebration this weekend. He's a prop. They might suspend me for the last game, but I think this one is worth it."

And just in case it's not totally clear:

"This is going to be the greatest celebration of all time, man. I actually use an animal."

Butch Stearns!

Apologies that this isn't word-for-word, but I just heard this at the end of Fox 25's news broadcast from sports anchor Butch Stearns:

We'd like to mention 15-year-old Patrick White. Like many of you, he lived and died for the Red Sox. Patrick lost his battle with cancer last week...

Couldn't they have found a less ironic way to express his love for the team?