Does this sound like boasting?

The New York Times posed the MVP question to A-Rod himself. So who's Alex like, himself, or David Ortiz?

"Let him have it," Rodriguez said. "I already have one of those. I want what he has."

Red Sox fans: remember that fact, no matter how this weekend plays out.

Come on!

We've been on Ozzie Watch ever since the White Sox clinched, but the fiery Venezuelan has been uncharacteristically low key. This quote is kind of amusing given the way the South Siders nearly pulled off the biggest regular season choke in baseball history:

A lot of people don't realize how hard it is to get to the playoffs.

You can do better than this generic platitude, Oz! You're holding out on us!

It is his second language

David Ortiz on the Red Sox' attitude after their ninth-inning victory last night:

Everybody was on their toes. Everybody had attitude. You see Pookie, our clubbie, Pookie was out there, just like punching people and everything. That's fun.

That sounds like ol' Pookie, all right: wailing on people after a win.

Not actually a quote, but...

People need to see Jake Plummer's mugshot on his ESPN.com Player Card:

I know they've been kicked around...

But I can't resist. Here's Bruce Bochy on his Division Champion Padres:

"There's not a greater feeling," said Bruce Bochy, who's managed the Padres to three division crowns in 10 seasons. "This team's been pushed. These guys responded. It's been a bumpy road, but I couldn't be prouder of these guys."

The Padres as of today sit at .500 with four games to play.

This is how weird the 2005 season is

''The name of the game is pitching and defense," said [Alex] Rodriguez. ''Without Shawn and Aaron, we'd probably be 10 games out now."

One more time, for emphasis:

''The name of the game is pitching and defense," said Rodriguez. ''Without Shawn [Chacon] and Aaron [Small], we'd probably be 10 games out now."

Texan hospitality -- to the extreme!

Joe Horn on the Saints' reception in their temporary home:

"San Antonio has embraced us to another level."

The Thinker

"I need a quarterback whose name sounds like a Marvel superhero's alter ego. Should I go with Brooks Bollinger?"
"Or Kliff Kingsbury?"

Damon 3:16

''We know it's going to come down to this weekend," Johnny Damon ventured. ''It's the master plan. God's way. Yankees-Red Sox."

But who is He rooting for?

UPDATE: Tito responds:

"I don't think that it's God's master plan. It's probably Fox's."

Amen, brother.

Sometimes these things write themselves

Here's an unedited sentence from Len Pasquarelli's reporting on the return of Vinny Testaverde:

While he comes with some drawbacks -- notably a lack of mobility and a propensity for turnovers -- Testaverde might actually be a good fit for the offense installed this summer by new offensive coordinator Mike Heimerdinger.

Vinny's stat line, for the record, last year with Dallas: 3,532 yards, with 17 touchdown passes and 20 interceptions.

Mike Tice reaches out to the little people

The Vikings won their first game, and already their head coach is feeling his oats:

"I don't think [Daunte Culpepper] would have heard it from the fans," Tice said. "Only the KFAN [talk-radio] fans [would have booed him] and most of those people can't afford a ticket anyway."

He called the radio station today and said he was only joking, but he'd better hope Sunday's win wasn't a mirage.

Who's the fink?

There is, if you can believe it, a controversy brewing in Boston. (How come this stuff doesn't happen in Milwaukee?) Here's the pertinent bit:

Citing the lack of a public backlash against [Curt] Schilling for his subpar season -- the Sox ace is 7-8 with a 5.89 ERA -- [an anonymous] player was quoted as saying, ''When he comes into the game, people cheer him like he's the Pope? You think they'd let Pedro [Martinez] get away with this? Why does he get a free pass?"

Theories abound as to who this mystery player is. While there's no way to know for sure, a process of elimination can help us count out some of the likely suspects.

Johnny Damon -- Sounds like something he'd say, but he hasn't been booed this season so the "sour grapes" angle doesn't fit. He's out.

Edgar Renteria -- Has been deservedly booed this season for his subpar performance, but even off the record I doubt he could string together that many English words. Between the sarcastic analogy and the reference to someone he hasn't been on the roster with, I think we can easily rule out Edgar.

Kevin Millar -- Getting warmer. Kevin has voiced some frustration this season and has definitely been booed, but he'd never abandon his role of Official Sox Cheerleader. He also would have referred to Pedro as "Petey."

Manny Ramirez -- Probably doesn't know who the Pope is. Possibly doesn't know who Curt Schilling is.

Keith Foulke -- He's quick with a quip (just ask "Johnny from Burger King") and has spent the entire year sulking like a 16 year-old. Plus he has the legitimate beef (sorry for another BK reference) that he's been booed for his performance this year as though he didn't carry the team on his back through last year's playoffs (which he did).

But I don't think it was Foulke. There's still one player we're overlooking.

Bill Mueller -- Because it's always the guy you least suspect.

Simply Billy Being Billy

I'm not even sure how to address "ClockGate" except to point out that the Patriots were within field goal range with 50 seconds to play regardless, so the extra time was a non-factor. But here's a nugget from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette on some sniping between Belichick and the Steelers' coaching staff while Matt Light was injured:

"When [Bill] Belichick saw [Steelers trainer John] Norwig approach Light, who lay on the grass field, he came out to shoo him away. Belichick told Norwig to 'get away from my [expletive] player' according to several sources. A surprised Norwig left and later could be seen talking and laughing about the incident with several Steelers doctors on the sideline."

Belichick was most likely worried that Norwig would take it upon himself to disclose more information about Light than Bill's standard "he's got a pretty serious leg injury" that we heard from Bonnie Bernstein during the broadcast.

A Woman Will Be President

Geena Davis is in the Monday Night Football announcers' booth.

I just wanted to point that out. Infer nothing.

We are on Madden Watch here at Where's McCarver? Central, but so far the big man's been relatively restrained. Perhaps Al shot him up with some diazepam during Monday Night Countdown.

We don't just do football here

So who's AJ going to play for next year? Here's a condensed version of his tirade, as reported in the Palm Beach Post:

"We play scared. We manage scared. We coach scared and I'm sick of it. It's depressing around here...It's like they expect us to mess up, and when we do they chew us out. There's no positive nothing around here for anybody...There's no positives on this staff whatsoever. None...It's a 3-3 game. I give up a home run, and it's a funeral. I give up one run, they expect me to give up more. I'm over it. I got one more start here and that's all that matters...A positive pat on the back is better than anything, and I ain't seen a positive pat on the back since April. Guys are out here busting their butts. We ain't trying to lose. We ain't trying to give up runs or strike out. Yet you still hear negativity. I ain't saying no names. It's just too much negativity."

Of course, Burnett can't expect any sympathy from his old-school manager Jack McKeon, who did not exactly rush to his pitcher's defense:

"Everybody gets frustrated at times. I think sometimes you have to look in the mirror...We certainly don't pitch, me or the coaches, and we don't hit. This is what happens when you play in the big leagues. You're on a stage. Everybody has to be held accountable...You've got to close them out. Good pitchers win those games."

Yikes.

Not to be outdone

Wide receiver is becoming a chippier position than ever these days, so Terrell, Randy, Chad, even you, Joe Horn: you've got company. You may remember a Mr. Steve Smith, one of the blandly named talented Panthers (along with Stephen Davis). Here's him on Sunday's game against the Dolphins:

"[Miami Dolphins coach Nick Saban] really needs to analyze which perennial corner he's going to have out there, because [Dolphins cornerback Sam Madison is] not one. That's it. I don't have nothing to say. I'm done. The bottom line is he's a punk. I won my war, and that's it. Don't ask me anymore."

Smith caught for 170 yards with 3 touchdowns, but his Panthers, a chic Super Bowl pick by many, find themselves 1-2 after losing to Miami, a team that was 4-12 a year ago. Some would call that winning the battle and losing the war, but hey.

UPDATE: There's more. When you're in the winners' locker room, you can get away with these things, but Madison elected to fire back. From the Sun-Sentinel comes this:

"I guess [Smith] hasn't read my resume," he said. "I'm rated No. 1 in trash talking the last few years. Once you start, we're pretty much going to go 60 minutes. I guess he thought we were going to play a 30-minute football game."

Madison spent so much time talking during that 60-minute game that he was unable to cover Smith. But, then again, catching for 170 yards and 3 touchdowns is no day at the beach either, a fact not lost on Madison:

"He was probably tired," Madison said. "He had his hand on his hip like a little girl in that heat. He was on the sideline crying."

I see, that was the Dolphins' strategy: let Steve Smith catch so many passes that he would wear himself out.

Who will cover #85 in 2005?

It's probably fair to say Chad Johnson will put the checkmark under "No" next to Jerry Azumah's name, making him the third such entry on Johnson's checklist. Chad has listed the names of every corner he anticipates will be assigned to him in each of the Bengals' games, and, based on his stats, he will determine whether or not they succeeded in covering him. Johnson only caught for 77 yards yesterday, but that included two touchdowns, so he'll likely consider it another point in his favor. I didn't see the game, and I don't know who the Bears even threw out there to oppose Johnson, but Chad isn't troubled by such things, as this account in the St. Paul Pioneer Press (from before the Bengals' Week 2 matchup with the Vikings):

"After catching nine passes for 91 yards in [Week 1]'s 27-13 win over Cleveland, Johnson checked the "No" box next to the name of Browns cornerback Gary Baxter, even though Baxter didn't play because of a concussion.'

Technically, Johnson is correct: Baxter failed to cover him. Hard to fault that logic.

Drew Bledsoe: Better than Joe Montana

From the "Statistics Don't Lie" department:

[Drew] Bledsoe was 24 of 38 for 363 yards, passing Joe Montana for eighth place on the NFL's career yards passing list with his first 300-yard game since Sept. 14, 2003.

Congratulations to Drew Bledsoe, the newest member of the Karl Malone Society. If only there were some way we could convince future statisticians to include a picture of his "I just choked away the potential game-winning drive" face when they're trying to convince people he was better than Montana.